2003

Oh! No!  It’s the Burke Form Letter- Again

The Burke Family’s Famous, Extremely Tacky, Mass Produced, E-mail, Xmas Form Letter

Vol. 12, No. 1, Dec 2003 including another really stupid Xmas Recipe

(If you are missing Vol. 11, it’s ‘cause there wasn’t one last year)

Catching Up from 2001

Despite rumors to the contrary, the cat is not pregnant again, Catherine really didn’t win the lottery, James has not cornered the market on the Little Purple Pill, Liam wasn’t the first person arrested on Federal anti-spam charges, and Moira hasn’t won a Nobel, Pulitzer, or Grammy (yet).

Sinking to a new low- 120’ BSL (below sea level)

Somewhere under the Caribbean, Summer, 2002

So there they were, slowly ascending from about 120’ at the bottom of a reef off of the Grand Caymans, when the music from Jaws was heard.  Suddenly there were no fish to be seen or photographed.  The usually 86-degree water developed a chill. Out of the murk, they emerged.  Sleek, menacing, grinning and drooling.  Not one, but two sharks headed at them.

James, relying on years of scuba experience, remembered to breathe.  He also activated the internally plumbed, anatomic wet suit warming device.  Liam, the newest, and possibly most promising scuba enthusiast chased the critters across the coral attempting to ‘catch a ride’ or at least pet them.  Sharks, being more intelligent than most give them credit for, abandoned their obvious meal plan, tucked their tails between their dorsal fins and swam away.

Spotted Eel

The rest of the weeklong, graduation gift and initiation into the awe and wonder of God’s ocean was spent with mundane activities like feeding stingrays, chasing turtles, and admiring bikinis.

This year James made a trip to Cozumel to check out the drift diving, while Liam started school.  This term he’s taking advanced scuba, swim conditioning, and outdoor survival.  His parents also understand that he might even take something academic as well.

James with 200 Lb Grouper

This years Xmas Recipe- Sadman Insane Soufflé

Sorry- we still aren’t tacky enough to publish our secret Anthrax Surprise Recipe this year.

Ingredients:

Deposed Dictator, Ayatollah, Militant Mullah, or Gangsta Rapp’r.  Best if freshly removed from a               spider hole, rinsed off and allowed to rot.

Sprinkle generously with 3 parts contempt, 1 tsp. hatred, 2 oz. barbaric sauce, and a pinch of devil weed.  You may substitute Cilantro for devil weed.

Boil to frenzy in a media pot and allow simmering for several years in the Cuban sun.

When ready, serve cold on a bed of World Opinion with Halliburton Dressing.

Ride ‘em Cowgirls

The girls    The women   The wife and daughter    The significant other and female child unit   Catherine and Moira terrorized the frogs French, the English and the Spaniards last Spring.  Fortunately Moira had not yet acquired her current accordion and musical skills, so we didn’t have to bail them out of a Spanish jail for playing “Lady of Spain”.  Nor did they get in trouble for dancing the Lindy Hop in London.  They did, however, visit every castle, art museum, vegetarian restaurant, and boutique on the continent   Alan Greenback is studying the effect they had on the exchange rate for Euros v. dollars.

 

                          Moira & Catherine in Paris                                           Moira & Friend

Catherine, after touring all the gardens of Europe, returned home and has been accepted into the Master Gardener Program with the local Extension Service.  If you thought Oregon was green- just wait.

Catherine

Look Out Bill Gates.

Moira got off the couch (see vol. 10, 2001) and went to work for Portland Community College.  She is officially the Grand Jubbah in charge of all intellectual efforts for the entire library system, Internet, web pages, and techodeveloposmartstuff- now and forever.

She just bought an accordion.  (Pause).  How many reading this remember some slimy salesman in a plaid coat that your parents invited to show you how exciting it would be to play the accordion??  If you answered yes, you’re over the age of 45!  But times have changed, and Moira is once again on the cusp.  Or else it’s a way to get even with the neighbor who lives above her and tap dances at 2 AM??  Only time will tell.

You can read about her exploits in her weblog: .

Liam

Last missive we warned you that Liam was learning to drive.  Now that he’s off to school at the University of Oregon he has a free bus pass, an old VW Van in the garage, and a rude awareness of what insurance companies think of 18-year-old males.

  

Liam Feeding Stingrays!

Guitar, studies, new friends, dorm life, and a part time job keep him pretty busy.  But seriously folks- he’s really developed an innate talent for diving and looks forward to continuing his training and adventures.  On his first extensive dive trip he proved to be one of the best and most competent dive partners James had ever been with.

We are establishing a trust fund (donations welcome) for surgically implanting those new artificial gills as soon as they are available.

Liam Harassing Tortugas

Who was that Bald Cousin??

Grandma Marybelle (Aunt B, Grammy, Great grandma) passed away this year.  The family got together this summer and celebrated the wonderful life we all shared with her.  Thank God we’re all finally old enough to let all those skeletons out of the closet!  The mayhem was just like many of us remembered (or were told about) the years we grew up in Denver.  And the lies stories we told!  We never knew that Marybelle really had 27 brother and sisters, was married to 9 different, wonderful men- some more than once, and fought in the war of 1812.  Wow!

And yes!  The CD of all those pictures is finally finished!!  Some of you will get it with this mailing.  PLEASE! PLEASE! Email or write or call us with your current address, etc.  We’ll get one to you.  If you weren’t there and have no idea what we’re talking about- we’ll send you one anyway.

But who was that bald guy talking to what’s-her-name there in the back yard?

Pet Update!

We have another new/old cat!  The last new one (vol. 10) moved to Portland with Moira, but retains visiting status.  Gabby the Gray who we found in a garbage can in Guam is now pushing daisies in the garden, Elvis continues to be bulimic, Athena still has to be shown where the food bowl is located, or starve to death, and when Verlee (James’ mother) passed away last year, we made a rescue drive from Santa Ana back to Oregon with Spud, whom we had as a kitten, but had to give to the parents, along with Wizard, who immediately ran away, when we moved to Guam, and couldn’t take back when we came home, and needed a place to live again. Whew! Got it? 

Cosette, the beagle hasn’t run off in several hours now.  We think it’s too much work for her to haul her rotund torso very far.

After 5 years there are still no pet bats in the bat house by the garden.   We keep hoping.

And so ends another saga! We’ll touch base again next year, providing the warden continues to allow us to have paper and pencils.

AS ALWAYS, WE SEND LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOU AND YOURS.