The One, the Only, the Original
Burke Family Xmas Letter
Xmas
Eve Edition, 2015
Always non-PC, irreverent, and inappropriate. Like
the 2016 Presidential Campaign.
□
I
understand there is no privacy policy and that I am adult enough to read this.
Furthermore, I will hold harmless the Burkes for contents herein. Illegal in Alabama,
Kansas, and additional to be named closed-minded communities.
Aria’s
a chatterbox. She can’t get her Shakespeare enunciation just right yet, but is
acquiring speech and signing her needs. Be careful what you say around her. Not
even the NSA pays attention that closely. And she knows what a cellphone is.
CATHERINE’S CORNER
Downward
facing dog kills two-headed stork. Fluffy white cloud. Snake in rain. Just a
few of the many complex Tai Chi moves Catherine continues to master at her
weekly classes. Next year it’s silk PJ’s and those funny little slippers.
Catherine’s
NO-NAME reading group is chick chic, no sci-fi, no blowing up stuff. Big words
and lots of emotion top their reading list again this year.
THE
BURKES’ WORK ON THE BUCKET LIST
Heeding
the call to civil service, James and Catherine both had the opportunity to
serve on the local jury. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to convict or hang
anyone.
Alton Brown: The pizza oven
that is the envy of NASA. That was just one of the many cool wonders we enjoyed
at “An evening of cooking with Alton Brown” at the Hult Center.
Colonoscopy: Medicare, gray
hair, interest in the obituaries, insurance discounts for taking old peoples
Drivers Education. And colonoscopy. Ah, the golden age. The balance is grown
children, grandchildren, retirement, a bucket list waiting to fulfill. What, oh
what, will 2016 bring us?
Anniversary
#43:
and counting. The “traditional” gift for those of you so inclined next year is
Groceries. Filet Mignon and Lobster would be nice.
OHSU
reunion:
It seems just last year James was learning about colonoscopies, then he was
getting them, then he found his classmates from medical school are all teaching
how to do them. Being the second oldest survivor at the 30th reunion
also meant being the first to retire.
Air
BnB:
Rest. Relax. Sit on the deck by the river. We’ve found renting part of the
empty nest to be fun and marginally profitable. Family discount still applies
if you’re headed to Oregon.
Tuna
canning:
The fleet was in. The pressure cooker was primed. The larder is full of home
canned tuna fish. The ER is ready for ptomaine.
Count
of Monte Cristo:
We didn’t know that Shakespeare wrote the Count
of Monte Cristo but we saw the performance at the Shakespeare Theatre in
Ashland this year. Nobody in tights or any Thees or Thous. Or popcorn.
MOIRA
AND ANDY
New
SFO Home:
Moira and Andy moved into their new home in Bernal Heights, San Francisco.
Fabulous place just screaming for renovation. Mom and Dad got to help paint and
put in the always popular garbage disposal on a recent trip to the city by the
bay.
Thanksgiving: Food, food,
and you guessed it, more food at Moira and Andy’s new home this Thanksgiving.
We also got to tour and enjoy one of their kick-start investments—Kat Tea. A
selection of exotic teas and a timed adventure with a room full of kittens with
which to play—adoption optional. The stars of the show were well trained to
expect worthy humans to staff their every need.
AUTHOR’S CORNER
Write
Guys:
Time travel, a pioneer named Skunk, a zombie takeover of L.A., a singing rodeo
cowboy, an underground soviet missile silo doubling as a human experimental
lab, and a battle with timber thieves and drug manufacturers. These are some of
the authors topics challenging James, Doug, Charley, Bob, and John—the Write
Guys.
James’
3rd Novel:
Imagine you could go back in time. Or forward in time. But only one hour. And
if you cheat, someone dies. James’ Third novel, The Pocket Watch will be published soon and available on Amazon.
XMAS GIFT TO YOU
|
Copies
of the 1st two novels, Kelly’s Reef and
The Abortionist are free to
download to your Kindle at Amazon.com. This gift is good from Xmas Day
through New Years Eve. Don’t have a Kindle- send an email to authors@burkeworks.org and I’ll send
you free printed copies. Enjoy.
|
And finally, another disgusting ANNUAL RECIPE
72 hour Pate’
Into a
left-leaning liberal bowl, using a right handed congressional spatula, mix the
following:
1 cup
of ammo, any caliber, large capacity clip optional.
1 pinch
of media sponsored [fill-in]phobia,
1
unexpected pregnancy.
Grain
from Carson’s pyramid storage.
Hot air
from any candidate.
A
promise, any promise of a change in something, anything.
Spice with
rhetoric, bile, and recrimination.
You
should wait to bake. Abortions and Guns should both need a 72 hours waiting
period. Unfortunately politicians don’t have the same waiting period before
opening their mouth.
Serve
luke-warm. Do not keep the left-overs to ship to Biafra—they don’t want or need
them.
More than the silliness of our annual
poke at the season, James and Catherine do wish you and yours a joyous life and
prosperous year.
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