Monday, November 17, 2014

XMAS 2014- Black Friday Edition




The One and Only- (♫Ta- ♪Da)
THE BURKE FAMILY XMAS LETTER
Black Friday Edition, 2014
Once again awarded the Tackiest Holiday Newsletter (Wingnut Magazine Dec., 2014)
Always non-PC, irreverent, and inappropriate. And published before New Years this time. 
I understand there is no privacy policy and that I am adult enough to read this. Furthermore, I will hold harmless the Burke Family for contents herein. 
This newsletter is illegal in Kansas.

BABYGATE:
Most readers are unaware that in the early morning of Aug. 8th the universe came to a momentary halt, sunspots dissipated, and Congress slumbered in recess.
Aria Lucy Burke made her presence known, tipping the scales at 8 lbs., 7 oz. she immediately began rewriting human history. Liam and Jessica have every reason to be proud and happy. Multiple offers of fame and fortune began arriving the following morning. Congress failed to pass legislation acclaiming the date as National Aria Day.

                    
Announcing a way to end world hunger and assure world peace:
Contribute to the Aria Burke 529 College Fund:
www.OregonCollegeSavings.com | 1-866-772-8464    Acct # available on request

The obligatory grandparents with baby photos
Catherine and Aria
James and Arias
                                                   
The other Grandparents and Aria


CLASS MEMORIES:
50 years ago, a gang of ruffians terrorized Portland, OR. The nuns at St. Thomas More were helpless to control the menace. In October, led by their ringleader Catherine, the class of ’64 re-united. With memories of bad TV shows, Mustang convertibles, and Barbie dolls, they amassed in the hallowed halls, sending a superfluity of nuns into shock. 





THE HOTLINE WAS BUZZIN’:
Catherine continues manning, womaning, answering the Master Gardener hotline, advising on compost, bugs, and better gardens. She even patched, painted and helped remodel the Trudy Kaufman (ya’ll remember Trudy) house—the new home of the LCMGA.
SPEAKING OF REMODELING:
Our empty nest now welcomes fellow travelers to the Covered Bridge Capital of Oregon. The latest Air BnB resort is our newly remodeled back bedroom/ bath. All that, wireless, two nervous cats, and loaner bicycles can be yours for a day, a week-end, or a week. {www.airbnb.com} We offer a generous 10% discount for blood relations and nuns.
MORE AIRBNB:
Ah. Washington, DC. Museums, food, miles of wear and tear on the shoes, a great basement Air BnB rental, the Metro, and did we mention museums? Congress was in recess (are you sensing a theme here?). The gardens at the White House were open for touring. We didn’t see anyone jump a fence or get shot or anything.
The seat of power- yeah, right.
A Congress of Baboons
IT’S NOT A WHITE HOUSE:
It was actually painted blue- inside and out. After 2+ years of construction, including a year of #!@*%^ bureaucratic obstructionism by the Cabbage Hollow unplanned department, James finished building the 12th Habitat for Humanity home. Whew! And being a firm believer in term limits (theme develops), he stepped down after three years as Affiliate President. Now he spends the volunteer hours working on the new HfH ReStore that celebrated their Grand Opening this month. And, there was still time to steal the limelight as a character in the Friends of the Library Dinner Murder Mystery, The Murder of the Loaded Librarian.


Habitat House #12
Before House #12
It's all about helping a family
The new ReStore

SFO ADVENTURES:
Moira at Facebook
Andy and Moira

Moira at Facebook and Andy at Twitter continue to save the digital universe, one megabyte at a time, while traveling the world in search of, well . . . something.

KELLY’S REEF SEQUEL:
The Abortionist, the long awaited sequel to Kelly’s Reef, James’ smash novel, is planned for release early in 2015. Watch Amazon.com for Kindle and print copy availability. Although the royalties continue to pour in—$8.34 to date—there are no plans to come out of retirement just yet.

Reader/ critiques needed: requests to Authors@Burkeworks.org for pre-print manuscripts. Your input, corrections, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Might even earn you a free, signed copy.

FREE KINDLE: Kelly’s Reef will be available for free download from Amazon.com December 1st through the 5th.

And finally, the much anticipated and maligned ANNUAL RECIPE


Incumbent Stew—hearty, healthy, and soul satisfying.

A Congressional theme meal.

In a bottomless vessel, lined with freshly minted dollar bills, mix:

Several large corporations—human parts only. Wall Street and Big Pharma work best.

Add lots of pork. Butts are easily available and common congressional ingredients.

Trim all that Obamacare exce$$.

Petition Diane and the Supremes for permission to proceed. {Don’t worry—there is no term limit on this recipe}

Add some red, blue, or green dye depending on preference.

Season with legal/ medical pot.

Boil until 2016 or all the goodness is gone, whichever comes first.

Serve in a crackpot or politician, same thing.

More than the silliness of our annual poke at the season, James and Catherine do wish you and yours a joyous life and prosperous year.