Black
Friday Edition, 2014
Once again awarded the Tackiest Holiday Newsletter
(Wingnut Magazine Dec., 2014)
Always non-PC, irreverent, and inappropriate. And
published before New Years this time.
□
I
understand there is no privacy policy and that I am adult enough to read this.
Furthermore, I will hold harmless the Burke Family for contents herein.
This newsletter is illegal in
Kansas.
Most readers are unaware that in
the early morning of Aug. 8th the universe came to a momentary halt,
sunspots dissipated, and Congress slumbered in recess.
Aria Lucy Burke
made her presence known, tipping the scales at 8 lbs., 7 oz. she immediately
began rewriting human history. Liam and Jessica have every reason to be proud
and happy. Multiple offers of fame and fortune began arriving the following
morning. Congress failed to pass legislation acclaiming the date as National
Aria Day.
Announcing
a way to end world hunger and assure world peace:
Contribute
to the Aria Burke 529 College Fund:
The obligatory grandparents with baby photos
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| Catherine and Aria |
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| James and Arias |
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| The other Grandparents and Aria |
CLASS MEMORIES:
50 years ago, a gang of ruffians terrorized
Portland, OR. The nuns at St. Thomas More were helpless to control the menace. In
October, led by their ringleader Catherine, the class of ’64 re-united. With
memories of bad TV shows, Mustang convertibles, and Barbie dolls, they amassed
in the hallowed halls, sending a superfluity of nuns into shock.
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THE HOTLINE WAS BUZZIN’:
Catherine continues manning, womaning,
answering the Master Gardener hotline, advising on compost, bugs, and better
gardens. She even patched, painted and helped remodel the Trudy Kaufman (ya’ll
remember Trudy) house—the new home of the LCMGA.
SPEAKING OF REMODELING:
Our empty nest now welcomes fellow travelers to the
Covered Bridge Capital of Oregon. The latest Air BnB resort is our newly
remodeled back bedroom/ bath. All that, wireless, two nervous cats, and loaner
bicycles can be yours for a day, a week-end, or a week. {www.airbnb.com}
We offer a generous 10% discount for blood relations and nuns.
MORE
AIRBNB:
Ah. Washington, DC. Museums, food, miles
of wear and tear on the shoes, a great basement Air BnB rental, the Metro, and
did we mention museums? Congress was in recess (are you sensing a theme here?).
The gardens at the White House were open for touring. We didn’t see anyone jump
a fence or get shot or anything.
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| The seat of power- yeah, right. |
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| A Congress of Baboons |
IT’S
NOT A WHITE HOUSE:
It
was actually painted blue- inside and out. After 2+ years of construction,
including a year of #!@*%^ bureaucratic obstructionism by the Cabbage Hollow
unplanned department, James finished building the 12th Habitat for
Humanity home. Whew! And being a firm believer in term limits (theme develops),
he stepped down after three years as Affiliate President. Now he spends the
volunteer hours working on the new HfH ReStore that celebrated their Grand Opening
this month. And, there was still time to steal the limelight as a character in
the Friends of the Library Dinner Murder Mystery, The Murder of the Loaded
Librarian.
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| Habitat House #12 |
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| Before House #12 |
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| It's all about helping a family |
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| The new ReStore |
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| Moira at Facebook |
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| Andy and Moira |
Moira at Facebook and Andy at Twitter continue to
save the digital universe, one megabyte at a time, while traveling the world in
search of, well . . . something.
KELLY’S REEF SEQUEL:
The Abortionist,
the long awaited sequel to Kelly’s Reef, James’ smash novel, is planned
for release early in 2015. Watch Amazon.com
for Kindle and print copy availability. Although the royalties continue to pour
in—$8.34 to date—there are no plans to come out of retirement just yet.
Reader/ critiques needed: requests
to Authors@Burkeworks.org for pre-print manuscripts. Your input, corrections,
etc. would be greatly appreciated. Might even earn you a free, signed copy.
FREE KINDLE: Kelly’s Reef
will be available for free download from Amazon.com December 1st
through the 5th.
And finally, the much anticipated and maligned ANNUAL RECIPE
Incumbent
Stew—hearty, healthy, and soul satisfying.
A Congressional
theme meal.
In
a bottomless vessel, lined with freshly minted dollar bills, mix:
Several
large corporations—human parts only. Wall Street and Big Pharma work best.
Add
lots of pork. Butts are easily available and common congressional ingredients.
Trim
all that Obamacare exce$$.
Petition
Diane and the Supremes for permission to proceed. {Don’t worry—there is no term
limit on this recipe}
Add
some red, blue, or green dye depending on preference.
Season
with legal/ medical pot.
Boil
until 2016 or all the goodness is gone, whichever comes first.
Serve
in a crackpot or politician, same thing.
More than the silliness of our annual
poke at the season, James and Catherine do wish you and yours a joyous life and
prosperous year.
